I have been married for 21 years now. I have to say its been the best years of my life. In these 21 years, our marriage has only gotten stronger. We have raised a beautiful, smart, kind daughter that is now living out on her own hopefully taking in all we have taught her. We have had trials and disappointments that life has thrown at us but, all in all, I think our marriage is one of the rarest of kind. yes, rare. Why? Well, Ill share with you what I think holds our marriage together.
1. I'll start with the fact that we both attend church. Even though we are two different denominations which sometimes causes a problem because he goes to one church and I go to another, but we still go, and that's great. Its proven that married couples that go to church together have a better success rate. My husband even made the comment the other day how we try to keep our lives biblical. We see so many other homes broken, troubled and unhappy because they choose to keep God out of it.
2. We do not do many things apart from each other. Sure I'll have dinner with my girl friends sometimes but it is usually for lunch or on a week night and we do not go to bars or clubs.
When spouses "party" away from each other such as those "girls/guys night out", etc. It can lead to one or the other abandoning time together which is not healthy. Rumors can easily get started which causes conflict, and neglect. I'm not saying its "wrong" to do this sometimes, but I have not seen a marriage continue to stay happy when spouses do this often.
3. We do not take overnight trips apart from each other. As weird as it may seem, we have never spent a night apart from each other. Nope, never in 21 years. One day we may have to if its for business or emergency, but we do not plan any nights away from each other and always go to bed together. Never has one of us spent the night on the sofa or dog house. haha.
4. Never talk bad about your spouse. Remember, while you are letting out your frustrations to your friends, they do not love your spouse like you do, so therefore, they only remember the bad things you say and will continue to see your spouse differently than you do without ever hearing the other side of the story (like mom always said, "it takes two"). It feels good to vent to someone but if you get mad, stay hush for a day or two before you go talking about it. You will find it wasn't so bad after all.
5. We make time for each other. We take walks and share stories of our day. We also sit down to meals together. We turn the TV off and sit around the table as a family. Sure we have enjoyed a meal or two in the living room, but very seldom and even then, we sit together. We have our most intense conversations during dinner.
6. We are each others best friend. We vent and listen to each other. We argue and disagree but we work it out. And if we cant work it out, we try to understand the other and just let it go and try to not let the same conversation come up over and over. No matter how mad we do get at each other, we never cease to tell each other "I love you".
7. We have separate checking accounts. This is a good thing. You each have control of your own money, yet still share with each other (this way gifts can really be surprises). We do not always have to question each other of what each other spends as long as the bills are paid. It is still good to have another account jointly for both to contribute to such as tax refunds, savings, etc. and this account should only be used for joint things such as bills, vacations, remodeling or needed appliances. Try it. It works.
8. If you have kids, make sure you take time for your spouse and do not give 100% to your child. Go on dates. Share responsibilities and not complain about the fact you do more than the other. Its not a competition. We both work so we both share the chores. So what if you seem like your doing more than your spouse is. You should cherish every moment you can accomplish and be proud of it. This is a big problem in marriages now days. I hear women complaining all the time about how they so more with the kids than the father.....So! Your a Mother. We are cut out for this!
9. Don't complain all the time. Don't pick a fuss. So what if your husband puts the dishes away wrong. Is it worth nagging about? No. Just be happy he wanted to help and when hes not looking, Just adjust the cabinet. Which leads to number 10.
10. Praise your spouse for things they do. Randomly send little love text or leave love notes and appreciation for the other. Play around and act up. We act silly and joke with each other. Sometimes we get sarcastic with each other and do not take each other seriously. Do not let being a Mom or Dad turn you into an old person that has no fun. Keep yourself up, don't let yourself go. Be the person your spouse asked to marry.
11. Last but not least....We do not let each other forget how much they are loved even when we are angry. We always tell each other we love each other before we go to sleep or depart from each other. You never know what the last words you say to them could be.
Again, this all my experiences and opinions and no two marriages are the same.What works for some, may not work for others but I'm pretty sure if you stick to number 1, your marriage will be successful.
